A lot of guys out there find it very hard to figure out when a girl (who might be dancing near them) wants to dance with them. In a vibrant, energetic and positive setting like an EDM festival, things might get confusing and as a guy, you might mix a few signals and end up with quite the unwanted negative response.
Approaching a girl you want to dance with could be quite easy if you take it slow, work your way step by step to smoothly get to know her without actually having this only goal in mind. Your initial attitude should always be friendly, fun and should always make the girl feel safe. So it is important to not be all touchy-feely unless the girl has clearly consented to it, in addition to having her want to dance with you in the first place.
As it is well known in the EDM scene, the spirit of positivity and unity are important factors in the culture and the way people interact together whether they are on the dance floor of a festival or at home in a small neighborhood club. A major reason people go to these large gatherings is the fact that EDM festivals unite like-minded attendees, and give them a chance to bond and make new friends.
A good activity people enjoy doing during these events is talking to other people and getting to know them, no matter their gender. That works the exact same way when you’d like to approach a girl to eventually dance with her. The main goal here is to have fun and get to know her and how this music is important to her. So simply start by small talk and a lighthearted chat every now and then.
When you get to know the other person, you will get more comfortable and you will open up to them more. That’s exactly what your goal at this point should be. Get her to talk back, tell you stories and keep a conversation going. The chance will present itself at one point after that and you can simply ask her to dance with you. Simply done, as you have already talked for a while and gotten to know a little more about her, which clearly shows that you have not been red flagged.
Number One Goal is to have fun
We cannot stress on this more. The main point of the whole EDM festival experience is unity and fun in a positive environment. Then why take the fun out of it by obsessing about some girl you see there? Just have an absolute blast and everything else will fall in place. People get interested and attracted to positive, fun people who don’t look like they’re hungry to get physical with someone. Instead keep things light and fun, joke around with your friends and get to know others around you in a friendly way. The more fun you have, the more girls will be attracted to you.
Keep It Smooth, and Controlled
One of the major red flags for women everywhere is someone who comes up to them and instantly acts like they’ve known them for a long time. That’s a recipe for disaster. On another hand, nobody’s there to meet someone and hook up. People are there to have fun and enjoy the music, so don’t go there with that intention in mind. If it happens, that’s great, if not that’s not a problem either. Keeping that wild side of you under control will make you more appealing to the ladies who might end up approaching you themselves.
Don’t be the guy that just walks around sliding in behind girls and grinding up on them.
Don’t Be All Touchy
How would it feel if someone, out of nowhere, came at you and started grinding while you were out having a good time with your close friends? You’ll feel like a cheap piece of meat, like you’ve done something to look so cheap and accessible to anyone. Which is exactly the way you’d make a girl feel. Instead, how about finding any common point during your festival experience that might add some fun, a couple of laughs and some excitement to your day? A joke here, a fun comment there will do wonders. And it might actually become the basis of a great new friendship that might even grow beyond the festival itself.
They’re With Their Friends
All the girls at these festivals are attending the event with friends. There are very strong social agreements already in place to keep the group they came with together. Even if you see a girl alone that just means she’s temporarily separated from her friends and will be trying very hard to get back together with them. So at this initial stage you’re just some random guy at the festival. Note that her loyalty will be to her group and her friends. These friends came together and are planning to leave together, they’re sharing rides and probably a tent…etc.
So in order to actually initiate something with the girl you have in mind you have to make her feel comfortable around you. You might probably need to have the approval and trust of her group of friends; everyone needs to know you’re a cool guy and not a sick psychopath.
It also will depend on your confidence. Girls notice when you’re reciting lame pickup lines and when you’re actually approaching having one thing on your mind. It will instantly be a red flag and she will not reciprocate, leaving you with the unwanted rejection.
Give her something to work with.
Don’t just stand there, give her something to work with and move around, dance and enjoy doing what feels good to you in that moment. Nothing can put someone else off like a person standing there like a brick wall, not engaged with all that’s happening around them. It can be stupid playful fun, a quick jokey kind of move, or simply you can dance on your own close to her. Anything works at this stage, just initiate and the rest will come to fall in place as things progress. You’ll easily read the signals and go along.
How can you tell that she wants to dance with you?
Read their body language. Do you sense them trying to get closer to you? Are they reciprocating with the small talk? The dance moves? The eye contact? If you see their body at times pointing towards you, then you’re on the right track and the message should be clear.
On the other hand, if she’s pushing away, constantly trying to get back to her other friends then this is your cue to let her go. But don’t just pick a random person and start loitering around them and silently getting closer. This is the first creep signal the other person will get. And never assume after a random chat that the girl has gotten to know you and that you can move, grab and dance as you please. If you’ve given a girl a try and get denied, it’s best to avoid going around trying all the time. A few tries are fine, but don’t waste your night, she already rejected your offer, so you might as well enjoy the event by dancing by yourself or with your friends, which will be awesome and fun.
There will always be girls who will dance with anyone and will welcome any stranger. Some girls may seek you out. But you must come from the angle that the girl you want to dance with is not one of these girls. Yes it is about the physical and sometimes confidence.
Do Not Take Advantage
We all know that people are drinking during an EDM festival, and well, some might get under the influence of alcohol quite fast. So it is best to always assume that the girl you’re talking to or want to talk to will have been drinking for a while. Which brings me to my point: Never take advantage of someone’s ability to consent if they are under the influence.
Always make sure the girl you’re approaching is ok with what you’re saying or doing, and always make sure you’re not violating any personal boundaries. In addition to making you look like a creep, such acts will project this negative image of you to a larger group of people around, from the girl’s friends to the surrounding attendees.
Should you have the green light from the girl, always make clear non-creepy moves. Don’t try to do anything without the other person’s acknowledgement. In some way make sure they understand that you are getting closer, smile at them or make eye contact as you are moving closer to them or behind them. Try as much as possible to understand what their face and body are saying.
Girls Love A Guy Who Can Dance
But let’s answer the important question: why? Is it because a guy who can dance shows her a preview of his skills in bed? Is it a woman’s way of screening guys? Or maybe they don’t want to be embarrassed if they’re seen dancing with someone who has no clue about what he’s doing? Well, the truth is, it’s all of these and a little bit more.
In the eyes of girls and women, any skill is better than having no skill at all, let’s just start with that. You may think that dance is useless, but when you need to go at it, having a little know-how and showing that you know what you’re doing is a big plus.
As a social being, dance will show the girl more about you, your behavior, discomfort, and insecurities all will be easy for her to spot. As mentioned above, confidence is a key factor in this social game and if you show the girl that you can dance, you can easily get the confidence stamp. For example, if you start talking to this girl at the festival and things end up moving positively, you’ll be a better trophy on her arm if you end up being one of those guys who can dance! That’s just a huge plus.
There’s this unspoken rule in the social interactions world: you’ll know more about a person after a few minutes of dancing than after a few minutes of conversation. A good dancer might probably be a good sport, free-spirited and fun. He might be better at expressing his emotions non-verbally, a dancer might be more in control of his body, might be one of those people who move better, it might also suggest that if you’re dancing well in public, then you’re probably good in bed.
Another point we should mention as well is that dancing with a partner by default will put a guy in a leading position. As a guy, you can initiate, but she will always want to be respected. But it also gives women permission to get up close, physical and personal with a guy, a stranger at a festival with no commitment. The body contact, the sweating and breathing is all sexy and attractive and puts the attention on her.
Women love the attention, and a guy who knows how to dance can give her that attention. Add to that the love for the music and the artists and you’ve got a winning formula. If the dancing goes well, it makes her look good, and she feels beautiful. To everyone around, from her friends to other strangers, she looks like fun.
Dancing plays on a woman’s strength: it’s emotional, artistic and collaborative. If you dance well, then you’ve got an edge. On another hand, guys who can’t dance but who are playful and positive about it also seem to get the attention they need from the ladies.
To sum it all up, it’s important to be genuine, and fun and to simply ask for the chance to dance with the girl. Be approachable and friendly in all cases, and don’t focus on scoring a dance with the girl, this will always backfire. Know how to small talk and get a conversation going you’ve got many common points to start with. Should things go well, you can move on with the dancing by enjoying yourself, and not being all touchy feely and acting in an unwanted creepy way. Girls really like a guy who can dance but it is not a major requirement as long as you can make the experience fun and lighthearted. Always work with what you got, don’t overdo it and exaggerate if you feel like your moves are pushing your partner away. But never stand still, it’s an instant turn off.